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Waiting For You

April 23, 2010

The dress was white, laced around the hips and exposed my shoulders and lower back. The woman next to me gave me an icy look through amber eyes. She was tall, golden haired and the one I was destined to marry.

Sketch of the Woman, 2010

There was a time she adored me. I would wrap my arms around her and nuzzle deep in her golden tresses as her long fingers played Mendelssohn’s overture for A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream. She liked to tease me with the Wedding March, knowing all too well what I truly desired. But that memory felt distant the moment I stood staring at the city below wearing my beautiful dress.

We chosen this place together, a small mountain above Mexico, close to the clouds and the hot sun. Our families were present. My mother and aunts scrambled around to make everything perfect. Still, the imperfection was underneath, concealed. I was made aware of it a few nights before the big day when she slipped out of bed in the middle of the night and slept alone in another room.

The next morning, as she spoke to my aunt in the kitchen I felt overwhelmed by this sinking feeling. Suddenly embarrassed by my appearance and sense of unworthiness I rushed upstairs to shower. I struggled with the door until I finally managed to lock it and make myself presentable.

Downstairs, I could hear her laughing. When I saw her and I couldn’t remember what had happened. When had the change occurred? Those amber eyes would not settle my unease.

“Do you need a ride to the rehearsal?” she asked.

I nodded and followed her to the car, dragging pieces of my heart alongside me. The love I felt was non negotiable.

I interrupted our silence with the inevitable question.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“I can’t talk about it,” she said. “Let’s just do what we have to do, okay?”

However vague her response was, I knew I could not ask for more. She seemed too hurt.

Delays occurred on the day of our wedding. I decided to walk over to a outhouse located nearby. As I entered everything darkened. I looked through a window that faced the moon directly. Had I caused the sudden darkness? Even in my disbelief, I looked at my hands and dress and knew that the person stood out there waiting for me was the woman I wanted. From the moment I met her, she silenced the noise in my mind. Her quiet way somehow made everything in life seem more real.

The music began. I lifted my dress and ran. Light returned and in the distance I saw her face. A glimmer of hope through an icy stare. I walked down the aisle, nervous and wondering if the dream would cease before I could say yes. She reached out for my hand. I took it and felt an unbearable love pushing through me. The minister spoke as the city behind him started to change. The dream would shift soon.

“Yes,” I heard myself say. Then a kiss. It tasted of strawberries and early memories. Dream shift.

In another dream someone has asked questions about her. I answered unable to devote my full attention. I had every intention to return to this woman.

I returned. Married only moments ago. People have thrown flower petals over us. Flash forward and our backs have rested nicely over a bed. Things were far from perfect, but sweet forgiveness sometimes comes in small fragments.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 25, 2010 2:00 pm

    Quite a dream, and you retell it so well. Thanx for sharing

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