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Fantasy is Better Than Reality?

February 22, 2010

On a chilly morning, I walked along a residential street in Los Angeles. Peet’s is four blocks away and I have three cappuccinos worth of editing to do. I parked my car about a mile back. The houses I passed had porches and chairs, BBQ pits and hammocks. I stopped in front of a 1930’s hacienda, peach and glistening; a clear invitation to enter. But my fascination was quickly replaced by the woman approaching. When she’d reached the front steps the sun emerged and revealed who she was.

The other Blond.

Her hair was in perfect curls around her face. (I’ve never seen you this way). She wore a soft blue dress and a white bracelet, her feet bare. (I can’t stop looking at you). She smiled and I gave in completely.

“Hey, on your way to Peet’s?”

(I came to see you.)

“Yeah. Are you off today?”

“I decided to stay home with…” she explained as a beautiful young boy followed her around the garden. He recognized me and ran to give me a hug.

Every part of me wanted to make a quick escape. But the boy held my hand and wouldn’t let go. The pain in my chest grew more severe.

In the distance I heard a soft murmur, a song…I forget who I am when I’m with you. There’s no reason. There’s no sense. I’m not supposed to feel. I forget who I am, I forget…

“Come by when you’re done. I’m trying something unique for dinner tonight,” she said. (How can you be so casual after everything that’s happened?)

The song got louder. I forget who I am…I forget…I couldn’t hear my own thoughts. She waited for my answer. I walked away and waved awkwardly to them. When I turned the corner I ran past Peet’s desperately trying to escape the insanity.

Why can’t you see what’s happening?

The sun was gone. I ran until I was just above the clouds, looking down at rooftops. Suddenly, my body jolted and I was free-falling. Memories flashed unedited and unforgiving. I let my dream body fall knowing I would wake up soon…sleepless and alone with the heavy residual effects of dreaming a parallel life.

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